


Desperate People Find Faith

by rookandpawn



Series: Because You Have to [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rookandpawn/pseuds/rookandpawn
Summary: She’s hopeful that some day her life will return to normal, or at least as normal as possible.
Relationships: Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Series: Because You Have to [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698658
Comments: 21
Kudos: 90





	Desperate People Find Faith

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Walkinrobe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walkinrobe/gifts).



> And now, for walkinrobe for her donation to BLM. 
> 
> She asked for a "Because You Have To" one shot.
> 
> I'm so grateful she's my friend.

She wakes up and immediately reaches for Scott, as she does every morning, before she realizes that he isn’t there. That he hasn’t been there for almost three months now, and she lets herself cry for ten minutes, before she makes herself get out of bed.

All three of the children are sound asleep, so she uses the opportunity to slip down into the kitchen to make a coffee before the baby wakes up. She’s glad she bought the single serve Nespresso before everything went to hell. No need for a full pot when she’s the only one in the house who can drink it.

There are still dishes in the kitchen sink from the night before, and she really should load the dishwasher before someone wakes up but instead she sits at the kitchen table and indulges in silence. She never used to be a morning person, back in her old glamorous life, but now she thinks it might be her favourite time of the day. Everything seems possible in the weak light of early morning. She’s hopeful that some day her life will return to normal, or at least as normal as possible.

She’s finished her first cup and contemplating her second when the monitor comes alive with the sounds of baby snuffles. She knows it’s silly but as tired as she is, she still gets excited to see her children when they wake up in the morning.

“Hello, my little ray of sunshine. How are you this morning?” Her daughter smiles up at her and kicks her legs in excitement. At four months she’s out of the newborn stage and is starting to show some personality. She’s even more easy going than her middle brother and Tessa wonders if it’s because she’s a third child or that’s just who she is. She seems to be an anomaly in the family, looking exactly like Scott in all respects, except she somehow missed out on the Moir nose. She’s not sure where her daughter’s button nose came from, but Tessa figures she could have saved herself some discomfort and money if she’d been born with the same one.

“Your brothers are still sleeping,” Tessa explains as she changes the baby’s diaper. “So let’s have a little girl time.”

They settle into the rocking chair and Tessa sits back and just admires her daughter while she feeds. She only gets a few minutes before there’s a yelp from the boy’s room.

“Mooooooooom!!!!” Jonah yells and runs into the room. “Eli had another nose bleed and there’s blood everywhere!!! Even the wall this time.”

So much for a quiet morning.

“Give me a minute, I’m just feeding the baby,” she calls after him.

Jonah immediately returns. “That baby eats all the time!”

“That’s what babies do,” she answers, but he’s already gone, to be replaced with Eli a moment later. 

“Mama. Blood.” Eli is a child of few but effective words. There’s blood all over his face, and his pyjamas, even some in his hair. The first time he’d had one if his nose bleeds she’d been horrified by the amount of blood and immediately rushed him to the doctor. The Doctor informed her that they were perfectly normal and to try and get Eli to stop picking his nose. Many months of nosebleeds later, she was hardly bothered anymore.

“I know sweetheart,” she coos and Eli smiles. “Get Jonah to help you wash it off.”

Eli smiles and blows her a kiss. “Jonah! Help, pees.”

Jonah’s been an amazing help in Scott’s absence, even when he hasn’t understood what’s happening, she’s not sure what she would have done without him.

Her heart clenches with love and sadness, when she walks past the bathroom a few minutes later, and sees Jonah carefully wipe off Eli’s face with a wet washcloth. She’s so proud of her oldest, but just hates how unfair it is that Scott’s not there.

“You’re going to need to do some laundry,” Jonah informs her when he notices her standing in the doorway.

“Good job,” Eli tells his brother when he finishes and pats his hand. There’s still a streak of blood on his cheek, but Tessa agrees with the sentiment.

She settles the younger two at the table with cereal and juice, and pops the baby into the playpen, before she dashes upstairs to strip Eli’s bed. It looks like a murder took place and shakes her head as removes the bedding and gathers up some random underwear and socks that didn’t make it into the basket.

Miraculously, she manages to get the laundry on and back to the children before anyone spills anything or cries. Eli scrambles into her lap as soon as she sits down. She can tell he’s been missing being the baby since his sister's arrival and she vows to spend morning nap time cuddling with him.

“Can we go skating today?” Jonah asks as he has everyday for the past two months. He takes his and Eli’s bowls over to the sink without being asked.

“No, honey.”

“Do you know when we’ll be able to?” His happy little face full of disappointment. He loves skating, never happier than when he’s on the ice.

“I wish I did.” It breaks her heart to see him like this, and she knows exactly how he feels. She’s never gone this long without setting a toe in the rink.

“No skating,” Eli whispers in terror. On the other hand, Eli hates everything about skating. The cold, the falling, his snowsuit, the helmet. You name it, he hates it.

“Don’t worry. I won’t make you go,” she whispers to him, and he places a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Jonah, cars,” he declares as he climbs down from her lap.

“Yes!” Jonah fist pumps and the two boys run for the toys in the basement just as the baby starts to fuss.

“Mama?” Eli asks after lunch, sitting down beside her on the couch, when she’s trying to get a couple of minutes rest before tackling tidying up the living room. “Get Daddy?”

“Oh, baby boy I can’t.” She holds back the tears she can feel welling in her eyes. She doesn’t like to cry around the kids, it’s not their job to make her feel better.

“I want,” he answers, and his big brown eyes fill with tears.

“Me too.” She just pulls him close and places soft kisses on the top of his head.

She calls Alma around one to check in, but mostly because she’s desperate to speak to another adult. They make it seven minutes into the conversation before there’s a crash from the boy’s room and the baby wakes up.

Ben Facetimes while the boys are in a time out and they spend the first few minutes of the call trying and failing to cheer each other up before the timer signifying the end of the time out rings. The boys take over the call and it devolves into a discussion on who’s the best member of the Paw Patrol. She’s a little concerned about how much Ben knows about Paw Patrol.

When her phone rings again, she’s expecting her mother and doesn’t even check to see who it is. She gasps when her husband’s face fills the screen.

“Baby,” he rasps. “You look so beautiful.”

He’s lying, of course. She hasn’t showered in four days, her hair has oatmeal and baby spit up in it, and she thinks she might have her shirt on inside out.

“God, I miss you so much,” she says, and a smile lights up his face. “You look tired.”

“I’m exhausted,” he admits through a whisper.

When the pandemic started, Scott had volunteered to do training in respiratory therapy to help out. As soon as they realized how serious the situation was they decided that Scott would stay at the hotel the hospital provided instead of coming home.

At the time they just hadn’t realized how long that separation was going to last.

“Are you…” she worries about him all the time. That he’s not getting enough rest, that he’s not taking care of his leg, that he’ll catch it and she won’t be there to take care of him.

“Tess, don’t worry about me. I promise I’m fine. How are you?”

“Eli had another nosebleed and…”

“No, T, how are you?” he interrupts and she can see his hands twitching. If he were there, she knows he would be stroking her cheek with his thumb. She’d be tucked into his side and his other arm would be wrapped around her. They haven’t been in the same room in months and she’s desperate for him. It’s not even about sex, although that would be nice, but she misses the solid warmth of him most.

“It’s hard, Scott. And I know that I shouldn’t complain, because what you’re doing is so much harder…”

“That’s not… That’s not… I know that this is so hard.” He looks heartbroken, and she can see the same expression on her face.

“But it’s so much work, and I miss going places and seeing people and god, I just miss you so much.” 

“Baby…” he starts just as Eli and Jonah come running in the room.

“Is that Daddy!!” Jonah screams. He’d slipped back to calling Scott Daddy after he’d been gone for a month. 

“It is.” She hides all her sadness for their sake.

“Dada!” Eli copies, and the boys jump in excitement, as she positions her phone up against some books so Scott can see all of them.

“Daddy, Eli had a nosebleed and it was everywhere!” Jonah says and Eli points at his nose. “I helped him wash it off because I was pretending I was a nurse like you. I think I would like to be one but maybe after I’m done skating.”

Scott practically explodes with happiness at the idea.

“Cat!” Eli says.

“Oh, and mom says we can get a cat when this is all over, whatever that means,” Jonah explains.

“Tessa,” Scott joking admonishes. 

“That is not what I said. I said I would consider talking about it.” She grabs Eli just as he’s about to fall off the chair. 

“Same thing,” Scott and Jonah say at the same time and give each other an air high five. She and Scott had talked about the idea of a pet, but decided to make sure they were done having kids before they added an animal to the family. The longer she spends in quarantine, the more she thinks three children might be just the right number.

“Daddy, I have an important question,” Jonah says, suddenly serious.

“Then I will try to have an important answer.”

“Where did you lose your leg and why couldn’t you find it again?” 

Scott nods a couple times, both processing his son’s question and trying not to laugh. “When people say that I lost my leg, they don’t mean it in the same way they did as when we lost the red ball that time.”

“Then what do they mean?”

Eli loses interest in the conversation and wiggles off the chair. She watches as he locates his pile of stuffed animals and sits down with them. 

“Before you were born, even before Mommy and I were married…”

“I thought you and Mommy were married forever,” Jonah interrupts, but as always Scott is patient with all the interruptions and explanations. She wishes she was as good at parenting as he is, but she gets frustrated far too easily.

“We will be married forever, but we used to be kids just like you.” Jonah nods, like this idea has never occurred to him, but lets Scott continue. “So when I was younger I got sick, very sick, and one of the ways that helped me get better was that they had to take part of my leg off, where the sickness was.”

Jonah looks confused and Scott flounders for a minute trying to figure out what to say. She sits down and pulls Jonah into her lap. He wiggles for a minute and then lets her cuddle him.

“Remember when Mommy had that wart on her finger?” she says, as she runs her hand through his curls. He needs a haircut but she’s not willing to try that herself, so he’ll just have to look like a surfer dude until the salons open again.

“It was gross.”

“Well, remember how I had to go to the doctor to get it taken off? Well, it was sort of the same thing with Daddy’s leg.” She hopes that her explanation will make sense to him because she’s not sure she can handle any deeper of an explanation.

Scott mouths “thank you” to her, and once again she’s overwhelmed with how badly she just wants to hold him.

“Will the same thing happen to me?” Jonah doesn’t seem worried so much as interested. “You know, like how we have the same chin and ears? Will I have a sick leg too?”

“No, no. You definitely won’t,” Scott answers.

“That’s too bad. Your leg is pretty cool.” Jonah shrugs. “Do you think I can have ice cream for dessert tonight?”

Neither of them can hold back their laughs this time and Jonah seems completely unbothered by the outburst.

She leaves Scott and Jonah debating the merits of ice cream when she hears the baby start to fuss as she wakes up from her afternoon nap. Her sweet girl is wide awake and smiling when she gets to her room. 

“Daddy’s on the phone,” she says as she scoops her up and inhales that fresh baby smell. “Do you want to go see Daddy?”

Eli has joined in the discussion about ice cream when she returns. 

“Is that my little Frannie girl?” Scott asks as soon as he can see them.

“Say hi to Daddy.” She picks up her hand and waves to Scott and Frannie smiles. As it becomes clear the conversation about ice cream is over, Eli and Jonah shout a good bye and head over to the pile of stuffies.

“Oh, Tess, she’s already so big.” Scott’s voice is thick with emotion. “I’m missing everything.”

“I’ll tell her to stop growing.” 

“If only.” 

Frannie starts to whimper a little. “I think she’s hungry.”

“Go ahead and feed her. It makes me feel like I’m there,” he says. “And I wouldn’t mind a little flash of boob.”

“Scott!” She acts scandalized but gives him a little show before Frannie latches on.

“What if she doesn’t remember me,” he whispers. He’s so relentlessly positive that it’s strange to see him down, but how can he not be with everything he’s faced?

“She will. We show her your picture all the time and she gets excited when she sees you on Facetime,” she reassures him, but she does worry. He’d always dreamed of having a little girl, was ecstatic when they found out they were having one. He could barely bring himself to put her down when they’d come home from the hospital. They’d had so little time together before he ended up quarenting himself away from them. She knows it will break his heart if she’s shy with him when he finally comes home. “We all love you so much, Scott.”

“I love you guys too,” he says and looks over his shoulder. “I have to go, but give them all a kiss for me. Give Frannie an extra one. I’ll try and call you tonight before bedtime.”

The screen goes blank before she has a chance to say anything more. She takes a few deep breaths and then smiles down at her daughter.

“Do you guys want to go play in the backyard?” She makes her voice as bright and happy as she can. “I think it’s warm enough to bring out the blow up pool.”

“Yes!” Jonah shouts and almost trips over Eli in his efforts to get to his room and put on his bathing suit.

“Yes!” Eli mimics, and looks up at her, his face covered in blood. “Blood, mama.”

She just laughs, because what else can she possibly do.

Perhaps sensing her mood or maybe the two hours of play in the backyard tired them out, the kids are easy for the rest of the night, going down to bed without a fight. When she goes in to check on the boys, Eli is in Jonah’s bed and they’re cuddled up together. Jonah’s arm tight around his little brother. 

Scott doesn’t manage to call, but sends her a text telling her he loves her. She sends him back pictures of each of the sleeping children, and her tired face.

His answer is: I love you.

She decides cleaning can wait another day and slips into bed early, let’s herself cry for five minutes, reminds herself that she’s the luckiest woman in the world. And she thinks that, even with how hard it is now, she wouldn’t change a single thing.

And she drifts off to sleep.


End file.
